I don't have the normal trust issues. Mine have more to do with dating and believing people are sincere in expressing their feelings for me to me. I knew I had some doubts and such, but through a conversation this morning, I realized that it's a full blown ISSUE. *cue dramatic music*
Have you ever planned a future with someone? I don't mean whimsical talk, I mean full on making plans ... only to feel like those plans were snatched from you? Over the years, I've had different people that I've loved tell me things ... feelings. Then their actions are in total discrepancy with what they've told me. Those types of occurrences will make you question what you feel like you deserve. Each time something like that happens, it's a blow to your self-worth.
I can deal with a person or people telling me I'm not good enough. I don't deal quite as well with someone saying I'm more than enough, then their actions expressing the total opposite. Frankly, there's too many people out there who don't take the responsibility that is given to them over someone's feelings seriously. Especially when they've asked for that responsibility.
What can be equally as frustrating is when people who've never been through that kind of hurt don't understand and try tell you that you should be different. They don't understand how that hurt can make you question the sincerity of every word that comes out of their mouth.
Like ... literally. I question everything that someone says to me when showing interest, and I hate that. But when it comes down to it, I've heard it all before, and believed it. Then it was snatched away.
I was raised with the mantra "Say what you mean, and mean what you say." In other words, let your actions follow suit with your words. I'm sincere as all hell when I express my feelings to someone. Is it so bad to want that same respect in return? Whoever I end up with is going to have to put in work, and have patience with me. It's going to take consistent growth and hard work.
I guess ... growing up, I never thought I'd be that person with trust issues. That people who gave me lip service would not act accordingly. My mistake for thinking I was different I guess.
