Faith > Fear

Life is so random, right?

Often we sit back when things happen to us or those close to us and rack our brains on why. The why is often what drives us crazy. In breakups, deaths, sicknesses, etc…we're always asking, “Why me/them?”

One of the biggest lessons I've learned over the years is that the why will not always be present for me to know, and that has to be okay. This was really hard for me because I have a very analytical mind. I went to gifted schools where we were taught to seek out the why. I was raised and taught they there is a reason for everything, when in reality, there isn't.

Again, life is random.

I've learned since, that if there was a why to everything, there'd be no use in faith. Faith tells us to believe when we don't know why.

I say all of this to say a few weeks ago, my mom was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. It was…surreal. It shook my faith. There's always been cancer in my family, but it never really hit home, you know? And now it's at my doorstep.

Yesterday I was at the hospital with her to have surgery to remove the cancer, and I'm keeping myself in a space of faith. Like Dr. Vernon Mitchell said the other day, “…faith and fear cannot live in the same space.”

Fear can become a default, a comfort zone when you're going through things, but I'm not going to allow that to happen to her or myself.

So starting yesterday, I claimed victory over this for her. For myself. For my family…because of faith. My prayer is one of thanks and victory because in my mind, she's already won. She's already beat this thing.

My mom is…everything to me. My first best friend. I told her, “This ain't nothin' but some lil ol bullshit.”

It's been so hard to sit with this because it's felt so heavy. I'm not going to lie, I've been on the verge of breaking down so many times. However, God tells me, “…I will take away sickness from among you.”

So cancer, to you I say that you won't be winning. You won't be victorious. You're not taking this one, because she's too stubborn to let you win.

The Transmogrification of Kanye West

I miss when Kanye West was unequivocally and unapologetically black. I fear that we will never again see the full form of the "College Dropout," "Late Registration," "Graduation," Kanye. His school days appear to be over, and that makes this writer and avid music listener sad.

It was during his "school days" that Kanye's verses spoke the feelings of many of his black listeners. When Kanye said, "Drug dealing just to get by, stack ya money til' it gets sky high. We wasn't 'sposed to make it past 25, joke's on you we're still alive. Throw your hands up in the sky and say 'We don't care what people say,'" he was narrating the thoughts and feelings of several in the black community. Black people everywhere rejoiced and sang at the top of their lungs when listening to "Spaceship" or "We Don't Care" because the lyrics reflected our experiences.

Songs like "Crack Music" chronicled the happenings of some of our childhoods. Kanye paid homage to our black spokespeople with verses like, "How we stop the Black Panthers? Ronald Reagan cooked up an answer. You hear that? What Gil Scott was hearin'. When our heroes and heroines got hooked on heroin." Again, unequivocally and unapologetically black.

Now? We live in a world where Kanye thinks verse two of "New Slaves" is the "best rap verse of all time (he repeats "we the new slaves" 6 times in the verse.)  Kanye raps about a fashion industry where none of the participants look like him ("What's that jacket, Margiela?") He flows about cars that we don't drive and clothes that we can't afford, let alone wear ("Like there go the god in his Murcielago.") His flow doesn't represent the black experience like it used to.


I believe two things were the catalyst for the change in Kanye's artistry. 1) His mom died. That messed him up. 2) Kanye became too self-aware of Kanye's genius. Seems to me that similar to Jay-Z, Kanye lost touch with identifying with his audience. He doesn't flow for us anymore. His artistry has lost that identity.

In his post-Grammy rant, Kanye complained about respecting the artistry and craft, which I definitely do. I respect anyone's artistry because it's something that I can not do. But we got a brief glimpse of the old Kanye when he jumped onstage at the Grammy's after Beck was announced winner of the album of the year. It was an action that harkened back to the Kanye that said on national television that "George Bush does not care about black people." And for a brief moment, I had hope. I had hope that the backpacking Louis Vuitton Don we came to love in his early career would reappear. Then I came to my senses.

Kanye once quipped, "I ask 'cause I'm not sure, do anybody make real shit anymore?" Oh, the irony.

Will the real Kanye please stand up?