#BlackExperience

Today on Twitter, I started a hashtag. I didn't think anything big would become of it nor was I expecting a huge response. Boy was I wrong. 

#BlackExperience was that hashtag. 

Those of you reading this who are people of color know what #BlackExperience is. #BlackExperience is that series of defining moments that remind you that you aren't the same as "them", with "them" being white people.

My white friends, if you're reading this and it makes you uncomfortable, good. You NEED to make yourself uncomfortable to understand what the #BlackExperience is. It's definitely not comfort for people of color. #BlackExperience is living in a state of discomfort for so long that we don't know what "comfort" feels like. In some cases, that #BlackExperience comes so early in our lives that we never know what comfort feels like. 

What exactly is #BlackExperience you ask? #BlackExperience is the story of the first time you were called a n*gger. It's the first time you experienced racism from white people, likely being under the age of 10. #BlackExperience is what you go through daily in your predominately white work place. It's having racial epithets yelled at you by passers-by while you wait on the bus stop. 

Frankly stated, #BlackExperience are those daily occurrences black people have experienced since before we could even speak that remind us that we're black. 

On Twitter today, I asked people to share three things: "When was the first time you were called n*gger? When was the LAST time you were called n*gger? When was the last time you experienced blatant racism?" The answers, both in quality and quantity, blew me away. 

Some people experienced being called a n*gger as young as age five. For some, their first time being called a n*gger was by a teacher or person of authority. And for some others, they told stories of being called n*gger leading to physical violence. 

The story that broke my heart most was of someone who had their skin clawed at by a little white boy because he wanted to "scratch the black off." These stories were the catalyst for me starting the hashtag #BlackExperience. 

I want the hashtag to be a meeting place where we feel comfortable enough to share our feelings and thoughts regarding our racist interactions with non-people of color, as well as a well-spring of knowledge and learning for white allies and potential white allies to assist them in checking their privilege. I don't expect the conversations taking place under the hashtag #BlackExperience to change the world, but if they've changed one mind...opened one set of eyes, I feel good about it. 

My plan is to continue having these conversations about the #BlackExperience on my Twitter timeline, while possibly bringing the conversation to my Facebook timeline as well. I'd like to make this a weekly conversation where I ask prompt questions to get the discussion going. If nothing becomes of this? That's fine. But I'd like to try. 

Sister Assats Shakur said "It is our duty to fight for freedom. It is our duty to win. We must love and support each other. We have nothing to lose but our chains." It is my duty to be steadfast after the freedom of people who look like me. 

Let's start that discussion. 

When was the first time you were called a n*gger? Share your experiences in the comments below. 

Beneath the Surface: 11 Things Women Do That Men Find Attractive

Huffington Post: Women recently released a list of 11 things that men do, that women find attractive. As a man who is always trying to grow my appeal to the opposite sex, this immediately interested me, so I questioned my Twitter followers about the validity of some of the things on the list. This encouraged further conversation about the nonsexual things that men do, that women found attractive.

In an attempt at reciprocation, I also questioned the men on my timeline about the nonsexual things that women do, that men find attractive. For those of you that do follow me on Twitter, you know that I'm trying to make 2014 all about positivity. In an attempt to feed into that, my goal was to create 11 things that women do, that men find attractive. After scouring, reading, and rereading all of the replies I got yesterday (which were in the hundreds, and continued into today), I have narrowed all of the answers down to the best and most popular 11.

Without further ado...
11 Things that Women Do That Men Find Attractive

11.) Concentrate: This ranged from watching a woman do homework/study to watching her put on makeup in the mirror. Watching a woman use her brain is endearing and sexy.

10.) Exercise: Knowing a woman not only cares about her personal appearance, but her overall health is important to men. We all know men are visual creatures. A woman going the extra mile to maintain her appearance definitely catches a man's attention. Also, it's fun to watch!

Work out. RT @kidnoble Fellas. What’s something that women do (non sexual), that you find attractive? #NobleQuest”
— Bonesaw McGraw (@LSE7ENZ) January 31, 2014

 9.) Show Independence: Knowing a woman has her own life and isn't dependent upon a man is important to men. One reason is that it shows we won't be nagged for our time constantly. A woman who has her own also shows a man that she knows how to take care of her business!

 8.) Listen: As men, we aren't especially prone to talk about our personal feelings/thoughts on frequent occasion. Having a woman who knows when to listen to us without objecting or challenging is important. If we know you're listening, we're more likely to share. Listening also shows the woman has interest in not only what we have to say, but the things we take interest in.

 7.) Get Dressed (Up): This is especially endearing because a part of us feels like you're going the extra mile to look good for us men. There's nothing like watching a woman go through each meticulous step getting dressed up to make sure she looks absolutely perfect and swoon-worthy.

Get dressed up. I love watching. RT @kidnoble: Fellas. What's something that women do (non sexual), that you find attractive? #NobleQuest
— Lord Nick (@Kingwole) January 30, 2014

 6.) Having Ambition/Goals: Having ambition and goals let's a man know that he can grow with you. It let's him know that if he's in a relationship with you, it won't become stagnant because as a couple you'll always be striving for new heights. Knowing we can build with you is important.

 5.) Encourage & Support: For many men, this is number one. Men are expected to always exhibit strength and control. If there's one place we need to know we can be soft, it's with the woman in our lives. We're always expected to exhibit confidence to the world, so knowing we have someone in our corner who KNOWS we can do anything, and pushes us correctly to achieve is paramount.

“@kidnoble: Fellas. What's something that women do (non sexual), that you find attractive? #NobleQuest” speak encouraging words
— iBeast (@MisterRiley85) January 31, 2014

 4.) Show a Sense of Humor: There's not many things more endearing than a woman who can find the humor in life/doesn't take things too seriously. Being able to share a nice hearty laugh can go a long way in endearing a man to a woman. Men can be playful. We need to know that you'll play along! Also, being able to dish those jokes back out gets you bonus points!

 3.) Read: As one tweeter said, there is nothing sexier than a woman with a book in her hand. Reading broadens your horizons, improves your spelling & grammar, informs, and teaches. Reading can be a show of intelligence, and it's definitely one that men notice.

appreciate a good book/music “@kidnoble: Fellas. What’s something that women do (non sexual), that you find attractive? #NobleQuest”
— En Sabah Nur (@HermesSocrates) January 31, 2014

 2.) Cook: Yeah, I know it sounds cliche', but being able to cook stands out to us. This is especially true if it comes easy and naturally to you. Watching a woman move about a kitchen in her own world effortlessly preparing a meal with love is a beautiful thing. Knowing that you've put your love and time into satisfying a man with your food goes a long way. As the old adage says, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

and finally ...

 1.) Laugh/Smile: This was by far the most offered response from the fellas on Twitter. Ladies, your smiles can light up a room, drastically improve a mood, and make everything in your man's world seem okay. The only thing that's even comparable to the beauty of a woman's laugh is a child's laugh. A woman's smile can move mountains, stop time, brighten the darkness, stop rain, and fix problems.

Smile so big that I can't help but smile“@kidnoble:Fellas.What's something that women do (nonsexual), that you find attractive? #NobleQuest”
— Sweet Jones (@iLLifeMike) January 31, 2014

So these were the top 11 things that women do that men find attractive. Fellas, are there any other things you'd add to this list? Ladies, did you learn anything new here? What are some endearing things your partner does? Feel free to leave comments below and let me know your thoughts!