What Is Love?

I haven't written in awhile, but I wanted to stop by and get some stuff out real quick that's been on my mind for awhile.

Simply stated: I'm confused on what falling in love is supposed to feel like anymore.

I've experienced the whirlwind, movie-like romances, and I've experienced the kind where we had to really work at it, and things didn't come so "easily."

It's funny because those whirlwind romances give you some inclination that that's what  it's supposed to be, and who doesn't want that? The scary part is that just how some of those whirlwind love connections came out of nowhere, some of them disappeared just as quickly. Could this be because the foundation of the relationship wasn't strong enough? Who knows.

Now the relationships where I had to really work at it seemed to last longer. But the whole idea of that comes across as...boring...sometimes. Loving someone and being in a relationship should come easy for the most part right?

Look, I know relationships period are hard work. It takes dedication..resiliency..etc. However, because I've experienced so many different types of relationships, and to this point none of them have worked out, I'm confused on what exactly it's supposed to feel like. And I don't wanna hear the "you know when you know" cliche' because I've thought I knew a couple times. Obviously I was wrong.

I guess you can add this to the heap of other things in my life that I'm confused about at the moment. I always thought growing up that as you got older, you figured out more about life ... that you got more answers. As I've grown through my twenties it seems like I'm only getting more questions.

Y'all be easy.

I'm a Recovering Undercover Overlover...

Healing is such a process. I continue to learn this every day. The crazy thing is just when you begin to think that you've healed some, something pops up to remind you of what you're healing from. It's like ripping the scab off of a sore once it starts healing.

To carry that analogy further....after awhile, a scab stops forming on an open sore. You're forced to have an open and raw sore that just heals eventually with time.

When it comes to healing...sometimes you have to just let your feelings and emotions go raw in order to heal. I know, it seems totally counterproductive, but trust me, it works. Remember when your mom used to tell you, "You don't need a bandaid! Let that oxygen get to it." The same thing applies to your emotions.

Sometimes you just have to...well...live. Take that bandaid off and let the air hit it. Be raw...open. It's ok. It'll heal faster.

Vingt-huit | XXIIX | Veintiocho | Twenty-Eight | 28

I've been 28 for going on a week now and I can honestly say...it hasn't been so bad. For a while I've been fearing nearing age 30. As I get closer, I'm realizing that it's not so bad. The only "eh" thing that's happened is finding 4 more white hairs in my goatee to bring the grand total to 6.


A good friend emailed me today and asked if I ever had feelings of severe inadequacy. The answer is definitely. I'm 28 and haven't gotten into a career yet. I'm still finishing my education, although it is an advanced degree. I just feel...behind a lot. At the same time, I try to remind myself that I've overcome so much to get where I am. I'm proud of myself.

I'm about to move into a new apartment. I'll be finished with my M.A. in March. I can afford the bills that I have. I'm doing ok. I think I'm setting a good example for my brother, which is something I strive for. I want him to be better than me.

I'm not married, nor am I close, and that's ok. Growing up, I always thought I was supposed to be married and on my way to kids by now. My mom and dad had me by the time they were 26, so I always viewed that as the norm. I've grown to realize there is no norm. Do I want love and happiness? Kids? Of course I do. Hell, I can't wait to get to that point. But I'm in no rush.

All in all, I plan on enjoying 28. I have goals I want to accomplish, and I'm on my way to doing that. I have good people in my circle. I've got love and support from friends, and I'm excited about seeing what life has in store for me.

Y'all be easy.

Quote of the Day: 8/3/2012

"The trick is to make sure you don't die waiting for prosperity to come."
              -Lee Iacocca


This quote is speaking to my life lately. I've spent way too long waiting on things to happen for me, because that's what happened when I was younger. Things just kind of came to me, so I became spoiled in that way. I never had to chase anything because it was all set at my feet. 


As I get older, this is definitely changing. I don't want to miss out on any opportunity simply because I won't reach out and grab it! 


The time is now!