Initially I just began tweeting some random thoughts from my personal experiences, but as usual I ended up on my Twitter "soap box". I thought what I said and what was said by some others that I follow could be useful for others to read and possibly help them along with their journey, so I decided to blog them here.
I don't want a perfect woman. I want a woman who is made perfect for me through her life's experiences and personal growth. This is important. Too many people are trying to avoid relationships because they haven't reached their ideal view of perfection. Often times, your (potential) mate isn't asking for perfection. They're simply asking for you.
We don't live in an age anymore where it's important to couples to grow together spiritually, financially, etc. Everyone is striving to have "their stuff together" before they settle down. In a facetious but serious way, I blame the "independent woman" era. That "era" has lead women to shift focus from finding a husband as well as a career, to simply finding a career. If a husband comes along, great, but if not, that's fine too.
That "era" also gave women this sense of arrogance that if you don't have what I have (tangibly) right now, you can't do anything for me.
*cues Janet Jackson's "What Have You Done For Me Lately?"*
This leads men to feeling that they have to be perfect in order to get a good woman. That whole thought process, for both men AND women, is ridiculously flawed. I think when a couple has built a life together as opposed to simply combining two lives, they'll fight harder to preserve it. I've never been married before, but compare it to children and toys. Children can be very careless with toys someone else bought for them. When they're forced to spend their own money on it, they value it much more.
Personally, I want a woman who supports me working towards my individual goals, and fights just as hard as me to achieve our joint ones.
This leads me to that ever so elusive pursuit of happiness. In general, folks prevent their own happiness and don't even realize it. Classic example: You meet a guy who you think is attractive. He treats you nicely and you have great chemistry with him, but he works at _______. Or he doesn't have $x in his 401k.
Or...
You meet a woman who supports you, motivates you, but doesn't have _______.
Really? Get over yourselves.
Through a conversation with my favorite woman in the world (Mom dukes!) I realized that currently I am terrified of commitment. When I choose to love someone, I love hard and pure. That goes for relationships, family, friends, etc. I've realized that I get that from her. Can't everyone handle that because not enough people have been loved the right way. When they are they get scared because they don't recognize it.
Well I have some advice (for myself included). Get out of your own way. It took me a long time to learn this. When you're in your own way, you don't only hurt yourself. You hurt others. Oftentimes it's those closest to you who only wish to love you right.
One of these days all of you running from happiness will run out of breath. Then you'll realize how much time you've wasted running.
Y'all be easy.
