Study Partner

She has me open like... 24-hour diners and campus libraries....

Got me wanting to stop by her to grab a little something to eat 

while I study her anatomy and physiology...

See, the science of the matter is 

I'm drawn to you like opposite ends of magnets...

... And the algebra of this equation is 

I want to lay opposite end, 

divide your legs by 2,

 and sine my name...while you cosine of course.

And for a little geometry...
I want to balance the equation between
the slope of your neckline...
to the obtuse angle your thighs provide...
then use the pythagorean theorem to discover 
the angle of your hips.
Trace a straight line between the two corners of your lips...

You are like...
a perfectly constructed sentence.
The subject of my thoughts being 
predicated on which part of you my eyes behold.
See...
your heart beats in iambic pentameter.
How do I know? I've counted when laying upon your bosom.

The curls on your head are like beautiful commas.
Beauty marks adorn your body like periods...
giving me pause, causing me to stop...
...and admire each one before continuing to read you.
You make words fall from my eyes...
phrases grow in my locs, and...
poetry flow through my veins.

You are...
a sweet word.
A beautiful simile.
The perfect sentence.


Fin.

I'm a Recovering Undercover Overlover...

Healing is such a process. I continue to learn this every day. The crazy thing is just when you begin to think that you've healed some, something pops up to remind you of what you're healing from. It's like ripping the scab off of a sore once it starts healing.

To carry that analogy further....after awhile, a scab stops forming on an open sore. You're forced to have an open and raw sore that just heals eventually with time.

When it comes to healing...sometimes you have to just let your feelings and emotions go raw in order to heal. I know, it seems totally counterproductive, but trust me, it works. Remember when your mom used to tell you, "You don't need a bandaid! Let that oxygen get to it." The same thing applies to your emotions.

Sometimes you just have to...well...live. Take that bandaid off and let the air hit it. Be raw...open. It's ok. It'll heal faster.

Just something I'm working on..*Under Construction*

You inspire me to write of you...
creating similes that compare your eyes to burning embers...
and your skin to satin.
I place a comma at each of your body's curves, ensuring to pause and peruse
before continuing my journey.
See...You make me want to write forever.
I simply want to write our never ending story...
making sure to get wordy during the climax where our bodies combine
...in a little onomatopoeia.
Baby I'm alliterate for you.

Possibility...

See…

I want inside of you

Not how man and woman be,

but in the section of your

heart…

that says…

"Possibility"

I want to pick you up

And…

wrap your thoughts around my action…

kiss your mind with the catalyst

That provides satisfaction

Cuz see…

My mental is packin'.

I want to unsnap your hesitance…

and…

Pull down your inhibitions

undressing your protection

and letting my third eye explore…

the front…of your mind

Occasionally peeking behind…

when you aren't looking of course.

I want to touch you all over…

with every letter of the alphabet

trying different positions until I

find what feels right…

A leg shaking…letter spasm

heart-pounding…

Word orgasm.

…pushing my love in…

watching your love pour out.

Afterward, holding your heart…

tight through the night…

and praying your worries and

inhibitions don't rise again with

the sun.

See…

I dig you.

I want to make loving you

my life…

and live you.

Play in your mind like kids do…

And at night slide in

and out…of your mind…

Like skids do

But it starts with you.

You have to let me inside you…

vibe you…

Not how man and woman be…

but in the section of

your heart…

that says

"Possibility"

Untitled...

A few years back, a neighborhood gangsta asked me...
"What motivates me to awaken everyday? What helps you keep the bad in this place away?"
I told him that I do heart surgery...he said, "What?"
I told him that I open my chest/book and let my heart fall on the paper.
I let the pen be the blood vein robbing my body of the bad blood and placing it on the sheet
in the form of.....
.....iambic pentameter/a heart beat.
My HEART then BEATS to HELP my WORDS flow FORTH
the BLOOD on the PAGE then HELPS someONE give BIRTH.....
.....to a newborn poem.
I told him to let the notebook lines be the suture for the stitches in your heart,
for without them your heart would fall apart.
He then asked, "What am I supposed to write about, when all I see around is my niggaz gettin gunned down? What do I say about the gov't that doesn't want me to succeed? How do I make the future better for my seed?"
I told him...
Don't worry what to write about,
when your heart starts to beat, the words will flow out.
Just make sure you come to surgery with the right tools in hand...
the pen...
the paper...
in the end you'll understand.
And what of the world that wants to hold you back you may ask...
Tell them you want to live...
tell them you want to love...
tell them you want to read a book, you want equal education, a college degree,
tell them you want to end modern day slavery...
tell them you want to march, repent of your sins and be born again...
....raise a respectable child...
you want to educate and be educated.
Tell them you want to take the gun's out of your niggas' palms so....
their high blood pressure can calm...
tell them you want to live...
tell them you want to love...
and tell whoever wants to still hold you back, that you can't hold back a beating heart...
with a strong pulse...
and that in order to stop you, they'd have to kill you first.
Oh, and the seeds you plant and want to grow?
Write a poem saying your seeds need water to sproud, so they need a gardener...
Tell the dead-beat dads they should stick around, instead of leaving their seeds
to grow with weeds...
....like a fading heartbeat, dead beats end up beat dead.
Once you've filled this paper with the blood from your heart...
close your chest/notebook and ball it up.
Throw the paper holding your heart in the trash because your next poem will outlive and be better than the last....
...and if there is something in your lifespan someone wants to retort,
tell them to go back and read your autopsy report.
Then ask them, "Do you still want to be like me?"
So this gangsta handed me his gun.
He then said..."I want to live."
He asked me what I thought and I told him...
...it was the best poem I've ever heard.

Baby...Let Me Read You...

Your body is my book.
I spread your boundaries
And intake the alliteration of the alternating peaks and valleys
of your multi syllabic structure.
I caress your spine while taking in your aesthetic…
pulling back your cover and perusing your story’s natural arc…
While my mind races towards your climax.

Baby…you’re my favorite book. I’d read you over and over again if I could…
Studying the very compound nature of your structure.
Thumbing through your life stories and folding you over, just to remember what position we were in…

Baby…let me read your book.

Just a quick pic...

I really like how this picture of me and mom came out. We were at my little brother's state championship football game. They won!

Vingt-huit | XXIIX | Veintiocho | Twenty-Eight | 28

I've been 28 for going on a week now and I can honestly say...it hasn't been so bad. For a while I've been fearing nearing age 30. As I get closer, I'm realizing that it's not so bad. The only "eh" thing that's happened is finding 4 more white hairs in my goatee to bring the grand total to 6.


A good friend emailed me today and asked if I ever had feelings of severe inadequacy. The answer is definitely. I'm 28 and haven't gotten into a career yet. I'm still finishing my education, although it is an advanced degree. I just feel...behind a lot. At the same time, I try to remind myself that I've overcome so much to get where I am. I'm proud of myself.

I'm about to move into a new apartment. I'll be finished with my M.A. in March. I can afford the bills that I have. I'm doing ok. I think I'm setting a good example for my brother, which is something I strive for. I want him to be better than me.

I'm not married, nor am I close, and that's ok. Growing up, I always thought I was supposed to be married and on my way to kids by now. My mom and dad had me by the time they were 26, so I always viewed that as the norm. I've grown to realize there is no norm. Do I want love and happiness? Kids? Of course I do. Hell, I can't wait to get to that point. But I'm in no rush.

All in all, I plan on enjoying 28. I have goals I want to accomplish, and I'm on my way to doing that. I have good people in my circle. I've got love and support from friends, and I'm excited about seeing what life has in store for me.

Y'all be easy.

Recovery

*walks into blog post singing*

"I've had some good days. I've had some hiiiiiiiilllllllssss to cliiiimmmb. I've had some.....weary days. AAAAANNNNNNNDDDDDD....some sleepless nights."

Ok..I'm chillin' lol.

Seriously...this past summer has been such an emotional rollercoaster, and I don't know how well I'm handling it. Most days, I'm ok. I try to keep myself busy to avoid thinking about things, but of course that doesn't always work. Some days there just isn't enough to occupy my mind. Others, the thoughts just bogard their way in.

I'm trying my best to bounce back...to recover. Usually when I feel like I've taken a step forward in progress, something happens that knocks me back to steps emotionally.

Overall, I'm very closed off emotionally. I don't open up FULLY to many people. As far as women...I think I can honestly say I've only done that twice. Both times have resulted in getting my emotional ass kicked. Both times, the hurt after have been stark reminders of exactly why I give the equivalent of a limp, clammy handshake when it comes to sharing my emotions.

Most of my life I've always been an advocate of love and relationships...and at heart I still believe I am. I've always been a hopeless romantic and a believer of fairy tail endings. As I speed towards my 28th birthday in a few days, I'm realizing that I'm becoming much more a cynic than anything.

I still want a great relationship. I still want to find a great woman who I can spend my life with. However, it has also become very realistic to me that not everyone ends up married with a family. I know I'm young and have plenty of time...I know. But THAT reality has never been my reality. Maybe that's not what relationships are? I don't know.

It's rough out here in these relationship streets! In the mean time between time, I'm just trying to focus on me. Trying to better me. Trying to repair me. I don't want to be broken when the next great opportunity comes along. I've still got a lot of growth in me...and I'm striving to reach my full potential.

Y'all be easy.

The Pursuit of Happiness

I saw a tweet yesterday morning that really struck a chord and resonated with me. It was something that was retweeted onto my timeline and originated by someone I didn't follow, but nonetheless, it hit home.

Initially I just began tweeting some random thoughts from my personal experiences, but as usual I ended up on my Twitter "soap box". I thought what I said and what was said by some others that I follow could be useful for others to read and possibly help them along with their journey, so I decided to blog them here.

I don't want a perfect woman. I want a woman who is made perfect for me through her life's experiences and personal growth. This is important. Too many people are trying to avoid relationships because they haven't reached their ideal view of perfection. Often times, your (potential) mate isn't asking for perfection. They're simply asking for you. 

We don't live in an age anymore where it's important to couples to grow together spiritually, financially, etc. Everyone is striving to have "their stuff together" before they settle down. In a facetious but serious way, I blame the "independent woman" era. That "era" has lead women to shift focus from finding a husband as well as a career, to simply finding a career. If a husband comes along, great, but if not, that's fine too.

That "era" also gave women this sense of arrogance that if you don't have what I have (tangibly) right now, you can't do anything for me. 

*cues Janet Jackson's "What Have You Done For Me Lately?"*

This leads men to feeling that they have to be perfect in order to get a good woman. That whole thought process, for both men AND women, is ridiculously flawed. I think when a couple has built a life together as opposed to simply combining two lives, they'll fight harder to preserve it. I've never been married before, but compare it to children and toys. Children can be very careless with toys someone else bought for them. When they're forced to spend their own money on it, they value it much more.


Personally, I want a woman who supports me working towards my individual goals, and fights just as hard as me to achieve our joint ones.

This leads me to that ever so elusive pursuit of happiness.  In general, folks prevent their own happiness and don't even realize it. Classic example: You meet a guy who you think is attractive. He treats you nicely and you have great chemistry with him, but he works at _______. Or he doesn't have $x in his 401k. 

Or...

You meet a woman who supports you, motivates you, but doesn't have _______. 

Really? Get over yourselves.

Through a conversation with my favorite woman in the world (Mom dukes!) I realized that currently I am terrified of commitment. When I choose to love someone, I love hard and pure. That goes for relationships, family, friends, etc. I've realized that I get that from her. Can't everyone handle that because not enough people have been loved the right way. When they are they get scared because they don't recognize it.

Well I have some advice (for myself included). Get out of your own way. It took me a long time to learn this. When you're in your own way, you don't only hurt yourself. You hurt others. Oftentimes it's those closest to you who only wish to love you right. 

One of these days all of you running from happiness will run out of breath. Then you'll realize how much time you've wasted running. 

Y'all be easy.

Quote of the Day: 8/9/2012

Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or to lose.

            -Lyndon B. Johnson

Don't worry about yesterday! It's gone! Focus on what is ahead of you. Your goals and aspirations are what you should strive for...not fixing what happened yesterday! Life is full of speed bumps and sharp curves, but you don't drive looking in the mirror, you look through the windshield!

Quote of the Day: 8/8/2012

Change your thoughts and you change your world. 

        - Norman Vincent Peale

You'd be surprised just how much viewing something differently can influence your outlook on life. This quote definitely falls into the "power of positive thinking" category, and hits home for me. I'm trying to change my thoughts with regards to several areas in my life with hopes that those areas will improve!

Quote of the Day: 8/7/2012

The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.

                    -Hans Hoffman

Remove the clutter from your life! With too much clutter, you'll miss out on the things that are important. This especially applies with prayer and seeking God. If you have too much ungodly stuff in your life, it will cause you to miss out on the blessings that God is sending you! Keep it simple!

Quote of the Day: 8/6/2012

"

We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.
-

" Never lose sight of who you are. Most often we put up facades in an effort to hide our true selves from others, when in reality, we are hiding from ourselves. Be honest and true to yourself, and you'll never have to disguise yourself from anyone!

Quote of the Day: 8/3/2012

"The trick is to make sure you don't die waiting for prosperity to come."
              -Lee Iacocca


This quote is speaking to my life lately. I've spent way too long waiting on things to happen for me, because that's what happened when I was younger. Things just kind of came to me, so I became spoiled in that way. I never had to chase anything because it was all set at my feet. 


As I get older, this is definitely changing. I don't want to miss out on any opportunity simply because I won't reach out and grab it! 


The time is now!

Who would rather trust than be deceived?

(This is a blog I wrote a couple years back, but it still rings very true.)

trust (n) - 
-reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

-the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust.

-the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.

Trust...it's such a fickle thing...

I always tell people that I look at it in two different ways, and I compare them to getting grades from teachers. You have those teachers that will tell you at the beginning of the semester you have an A, and it's your job to keep it. Then, you have those instructors that will tell you that you have to do this, that, and the other in order to earn an A. 

...I would be the former...

Nonetheless...I wonder what people really think about the word trust sometimes. I'm curious to know whether people really know what they are saying when making the statement, "I trust you." Trust is such a deep notion, and means so much and too many people, I think, take the true meaning of the word for granted. 

Frank Crane once said, "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough." Personally? I'd rather be deceived. I know it's a weird notion for some of y'all out there, but 'tis true of me. I can't even begin to imagine living my life being suspicious of everyone around me. I'm not saying I trust everyone I encounter wholeheartedly, but I'm not suspicious either. 

Now I'm not by any means saying that changing your views on trust, or even that trusting someone is easy, so don't go ranting off at me about any of that. I'm simply asking some of y'all to think about some things. 

If you're in a relationship, and you tell your s/o that you trust them, think about exactly you are saying. I'm sure all of us have had times where someone's told you they trust you, but their actions showed otherwise. I think so often we say we trust our mate, then question their actions because deep down we don't trust them!

In regards to your friends...think about the message you are sending when saying "I trust you." Some of us trust our best friends about as far as we can throw them...yet will tell them in a quick second, "You know you my dog...I trust you cuz!!"

Look...I understand that trust isn't easy. But why live your life scared that someone is always being dishonest with you?? It only holds you back, and gives people control over you. Eff that!! 

After all...

...who would not rather trust and be deceived?


PS (07/07/2012)


Although I feel that this is still very applicable to my life, I also find that the older I get and the more experiences I have, the harder it gets to give people the benefit of a doubt. I was just telling someone the other day that while I don't go around expecting people to do messed up things, at the same time, not much surprises me anymore.


I still try my hardest to give and give...of myself...my time...my heart...my resources. It's just starting to  take a little more effort than it used to.  *sigh*

The Wind City

So...I've decided I want to move to Chicago for a myriad of reasons. I applied and interviewed for an interview with the St. Louis Rams, and I didn't get it. For those of you that know me, you know that I've been wanting this internship for three years. This is the second year I was passed over. I figure maybe it's not what God has in store for me.

I just happen to love Chicago! It's such a beautiful and amazing city. Plus I have friends that live in Chicago, or are close, and it's not far from St. Louis. I feel like there's really nothing left for me here. The Rams seems like something that I need to move on from, and the job market here sucks. I feel like if I can find a good job there, I can build a life there. On the job tip, I have a meeting with a staffer from The Addison Group, so we'll see how that goes! Wish me luck y'all.

I'm just ready for my life to be on the right track again, and I feel like things are really about to start happening for me...:)

NFL Requiring Padding

So I know this isn't totally business related, but I wanted to comment on it briefly. 

I think it really sucks that the NFL is requiring all players starting in 2013 to wear thigh and knee pads.  In my experience with football, these pads really don't do much to add any safety precautions. 

When it comes down to it, while being a privilege, playing in the NFL is also a choice. These players CHOOSE to play this game. If they don't want to wear thigh and knee pads they shouldn't be forced to.

In addition, I feel that instead of just passing the rule, it should have either been discussed in the last collective bargaining agreement, or should have been at least discussed with the NFLPA. 

Two Roberts Cos.' hotels file for bankruptcy

This is a follow-up to a previous article that I posted about. Two hotels that are owned by the Roberts' brothers have filed for bankruptcy, located in Georgia and Louisiana. As I stated before, this is such a sad occurrence to me, to see every day articles discussing the downfall of these brothers.

http://www.stltoday.com/business/local/two-roberts-cos-hotels-file-for-bankruptcy/article_b5c2b114-9a21-11e1-9b03-0019bb30f31a.html

Jobless Rates Vary by Major

In another recent article in the Post-Dispatch, the author discusses how the rate of unemployment varies widely by what your degree is in. This is interesting, because it wasn't necessarily something I considered when I decided to major in journalism for my bachelor's degree. 

Maybe I should have pursued a career in teaching, seeing as how the jobless rate for those types of majors is down to 5.4%. According to the research cited in the article, the jobless rate is highest among liberal arts majors, while it's lowest among majors that align with occupations (like engineering). 


It also makes sure to mention that the jobless rate among bachelor degree holders is at 5% while it is at 3% for graduate degree holders. It mentions that sometimes the best thing to do when unemployment rates spike is to go to graduate school to make yourself more marketable. This is actually part of the reason I chose to attend graduate school. 


Below is taken from the article:

Here are some unemployment rates and average earnings for recent grads:

Architecture; 9.2 percent jobless, $36,000

Fine arts: 12.6 percent jobless, $30,000

Theater: 7.8 percent jobless, $26,000

Business; 7 percent jobless, $37,000

Accounting; 6.8 percent jobless, $43,000

Hospitality management; 9.1 percent jobless, $32,000

Journalism; 7.7 percent jobless, $32,000

Information systems; 11.7 percent jobless, $43,000

Computer science; 7.8 percent jobless, $50,000

Math; 6.1 percent jobless, $40,000

Education:  6 percent jobless, $34,000

Electrical engineer; 7.3 percent jobless, $57,000

Nurse; 4 percent jobless, $48,000

English; 9.2 percent jobless, $32,000

Philosophy and religion; 10.8 percent jobless, $30,000

History; 10.2 percent jobless, $32,000

Chemistry; 6.6 percent jobless, $32,000

Economics; 9.4 percent, $48,000

Apple Rumors: The Next iPhone

Every year since the original iPhone came out, the rumor mill has run rampant about what each version of the phone would feature. Unlike Android, Apple is very closed off when it comes to what their new releases of products will feature. When it comes down to it, no one outside of Apple's headquarters in Cupertino, California knows what the phone will truly feature. That's what makes this time of year so fun! So here is my best guess as to what some of the features will be on the next version of the iPhone.

When Can I Get It? 
Apple typically has released their new iPhone models between June and October. Most of the early models came out in June, while the latest model, the iPhone 4S, was released in October. In addition to that, recent reports that Qualcomm, is having some supply shortages, alludes to an October release as well. The microchip that Qualcomm is developing is reportedly supposed to enable the next iPhone to have 4G LTE capabilities. This leads me to...

Finally some 4G? 
As I just stated, it's being reported that one reason the release date is being pushed back because Qualcomm is experiencing some shortages in materials needed for a processor that would allow for 4G LTE connectivity. This has long been a sticking point for many with regards to the iPhone. To date, the iPhone has not been able to offer 4G connectivity, so upgrading to that would be huge for Apple (although also a bit behind the curve, as Android offered 4G over a year ago). On April 19, Reuters reported that Qualcomm wouldn't be able to meet the demand due to manufacturing restraints the would increase company operating costs. In addition, the new iPad offers 4G connectivity. It would only make sense for the next version of the iPhone to also offer that same connectivity.

Will the Screen Be Bigger?
Another sticking point for iPhone enthusiasts is the size of the actual screen. To date, iPhone has stuck with a 3.5 inch screen, while other (Android) phones have been released with screens as large as 5.3 inches (the AT&T Samsung Galaxy Note). That's almost two inches bigger! In this day and age where users are able to stream movies to their mobile phones, and Youtube video watching is a popular past-time, mobile phones definitely benefit from not only the size of the display but the clarity. There are also some rumors of a redesign to the chassis of the phone as well, moving towards a more rounded back design, similar to the iPad. If the iPhone was to move to an edge to edge design with the screen, I'm sure many of it's users would be happy, and they might even be able to convert a few more Android users to iPhones.

Rumors will continue to run at a dizzying pace until the next version of the iPhone is released, but we can all speculate right? I think that in order to stay current with the competition, Apple MUST have 4G capabilities, at least offer a larger screen size, and possibly offer more RAM memory/a faster processor (not that the processor in the 4S is slow!). If Apple really wants to captivate a new audience, they'll redesign the phone. This is likely to gain even more interest from non-iPhone users.

The Downfall of St. Louis' Roberts Brothers?

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch recently posted an article highlighting the plight of the Roberts Brothers' (Mike and Steve) financial problems with their St. Louis and nationwide businesses. I was fortunate enough to be able to meet Mr. Michael Roberts and take a tour of the Roberts Complex on North Kingshighway a couple of years ago. It was impressive. It also was impressive to me that not only were the Roberts brothers a product of St. Louis City and successful black businessmen, they were also products of Lindenwood. Michael Roberts told me personally that he had been a founding member of the first black student union at Lindenwood.

Because of their foundation in the business atmosphere in St. Louis, it is extremely disappointing to see the financial issues that their enterprise is experiencing. Not only are they being sued by different contractors and such, they are also being sued by banks for defaulting on loans. They have several buildings in the St. Louis area that held great promise, but now sit dormant, such as the Roberts Towers in downtown St. Louis. The article even makes mention of the fact that the Roberts brothers missed one court date for a lawsuit because it coincided with another. That is saddening. One can only hope that the Roberts brothers indeed have a plan like they mentioned in the article, and that it works out for them.

Instagram is Making Headlines; Purchased by Facebook

If you are an iPhone user, chances are you’ve heard of the application called “Instagram.” Instagram promotes itself as a ” … free, fun, and simple way to make and share gorgeous photos …” and has millions of downloads. For those who have no experience with it, it’s almost like Twitter, but with pictures. You can follow your friends (or strangers!) and their pictures that they post will appear on your public timeline.

On April 3, Instagram officially opened it’s doors to the Android world. Following that release, Instagram saw approximately 1 million downloads within the first 12 hours. That’s in addition to the over 30 million downloads the app has seen in the last 18 months.

If opening it’s doors to Android wasn’t enough, yesterday, Facebook Inc, announced that they would be buying Instagram for, get this…$1 billion dollars in cash and stock. It’s rumored that Facebook Inc, purchased Instagram in order to keep a competitor such as Google from purchasing it.

For those Instagrammers fearful of what may come of Instagram after being purchased by Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, CEO, was quoted as saying, “”We need to be mindful about keeping and building on Instagram’s strengths and features rather than just trying to integrate everything into Facebook.”

“Millions of people around the world love the Instagram app and the brand associated with it, and our goal is to help spread this app and brand to even more people,” Zuckerberg said.

In my opinion, something like this was bound to happen given the popularity of the application. While those who are heavily into social networking and meeting new people via the internet, the explosion in popularity of Instagram will appeal to you. For others, who prefer a more intimate atmosphere for there social networking, it may be a turn off that Instagram is becoming more and more widely used. It is already used by several companies to promote their product, so being purchased by Facebook may only add to that, given the capabilities of Facebook to make connections between people.

Now, a company could post it's graphs or something similar on Instagram for it's employers to see during a meeting, or could use Instagram to announce the hiring of new employees and feature their picture, while providing the link to everyone who has that employer listed on their Facebook page. It simply is providing another way for people to communicate with each other socially in the corporate and public sector.