Faith > Fear

Life is so random, right?

Often we sit back when things happen to us or those close to us and rack our brains on why. The why is often what drives us crazy. In breakups, deaths, sicknesses, etc…we're always asking, “Why me/them?”

One of the biggest lessons I've learned over the years is that the why will not always be present for me to know, and that has to be okay. This was really hard for me because I have a very analytical mind. I went to gifted schools where we were taught to seek out the why. I was raised and taught they there is a reason for everything, when in reality, there isn't.

Again, life is random.

I've learned since, that if there was a why to everything, there'd be no use in faith. Faith tells us to believe when we don't know why.

I say all of this to say a few weeks ago, my mom was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. It was…surreal. It shook my faith. There's always been cancer in my family, but it never really hit home, you know? And now it's at my doorstep.

Yesterday I was at the hospital with her to have surgery to remove the cancer, and I'm keeping myself in a space of faith. Like Dr. Vernon Mitchell said the other day, “…faith and fear cannot live in the same space.”

Fear can become a default, a comfort zone when you're going through things, but I'm not going to allow that to happen to her or myself.

So starting yesterday, I claimed victory over this for her. For myself. For my family…because of faith. My prayer is one of thanks and victory because in my mind, she's already won. She's already beat this thing.

My mom is…everything to me. My first best friend. I told her, “This ain't nothin' but some lil ol bullshit.”

It's been so hard to sit with this because it's felt so heavy. I'm not going to lie, I've been on the verge of breaking down so many times. However, God tells me, “…I will take away sickness from among you.”

So cancer, to you I say that you won't be winning. You won't be victorious. You're not taking this one, because she's too stubborn to let you win.