I'm a Recovering Undercover Overlover...Redux

So...some of you may recall a blog I wrote earlier about healing.

If you don't, take a gander.

In that post I gave the analogy of comparing healing internally to healing a sore externally.

"When it comes to healing...sometimes you have to just let your feelings and emotions go raw in order to heal."

That feeling...that rawness...can be so tough. I try my best not to become spiteful during healing. The Bible says we should forgive, and I've always heard that we should forgive not only for the other person, but to allow ourselves to move past the hurt. Sometimes when you haven't forgiven the person or people who have caused you pain, the healing process is slowed. You come into contact with them in some form or fashion and that scab that was forming over your emotional sores gets ripped back off, and you feel raw again.

I think I have that part down.

But how do you know when you're ready to walk into the fire again? That's what I struggle with. A good friend recently told me that when you want something like that, there's nothing that will keep you from it. I'm guessing that would include past hurts. It should be an easy decision if it's what you want. I don't know that that's what I feel. I don't know that I agree with that. It's not that...black and white for me.

Allow me to tell you a story.
A cute dog is walking down the street. He sees someone sitting on some steps with some snacks, who beckons the dog over. The dog approaches the person happily. The person punches the dog in the snout and the dog runs. 

Further down the street, the dog, now with a couple bruises, sees another person sitting on a porch with some snacks. The person beckons the dog over. Hesitantly, the dog approaches the person holding out the snacks. The person kicks the dog and the dog runs. 

On the next block, while battered and limping, the dog sees a person sitting on the porch with a huge bag of snacks. The person smiles sweetly and beckons the dog over. The  dog stops at the end of the walkway, afraid of approaching for fear of being hit again. 

I feel like that dog. I've forgiven those who have hurt me in the past, but how do you not let that affect how you proceed in the future? How do you know when you're ready?

It's so true that "hurt people, hurt people." There's always some form of collateral damage not only when people are hurt, but when they're healing too.

I've felt so lost today simply because there's so much going on in my head. So many questions being asked in which there are no definitive answers. All of them circle around my fears.

I guess I'm still in repair.

Y'all be easy.