#NaPoWriMo - #BlackLivesMatter | 5:30

Peaceful melanin. 

Skin weaponized since I'm black. 

My Black Life Matters. 

#NaPoWriMo - Teach Me | 4:30

Teach me

Show me how to kiss you so deeply that 

Gravity reverses and that floating feeing

Becomes real. 

Instruct me on what it takes to make your lips and mine congruent. 

Show me how to love you so deeply I can

Remove your pain through osmosis. 

And I still wouldn't be close enough to you. 

God shines through you

And I just want to bask in it. 

No shadows...

Show me how to take your breath away

So I can breathe for you. 

See...

Depth and you are synonymous. 

And I could spend my life exploring 

And die a happy man knowing

I was your #1 Student. 

#NaPoWriMo - Kiss Me | 3:30

Kiss me so deeply

That I'll know what it's like to

Dine on perfection. 

#NaPoWriMo - Friendship | 2:30

True, real friendship is

Letting them swipe through your pics

Without stopping them 

#NaPoWriMo - April's Fool | 1:30

We met in the Spring

You were the flower brought forth in May

We hit it off quickly as you shaped a place in my life

We joked about you being my wife and by June?

We were singing each other's tune. 

I laughed at your corny jokes...

You were nervous about meeting my folks but by 

July? You were at the family BBQ. 

The sun shone on us like 20 acres of field

And our love the crop yield...bountiful. 

August came and it was more of the same

"Y'all lame" is what our friends said. 

They were just jealous. 

Autumn brought September

That's when I knew I'd fallen in love with you

Like the leaves fall from the trees. 

October we removed each other's masks. 

Not the kind for Halloween but

The form of masks that hide things. 

See...we were bare with each other. 

November was when it started. 

The heat from our relationship departed and

Cold set in. 

I reflected on being thankful and grateful for you but

In December you became distant and hateful. 

Instead of a Merry Christmas

You were distant and listless. 

In January I sent her a letter with a picture and said

"I miss this."

Her non response felt like seeing her ass

And hearing her say "Kiss this." 

So much for her being my New Year Resolution

It was a cold winter. 

February is the love month but all I felt was a broken heart. 

It's when she said "I think we should depart from each other."

I fought for her but it's hard to contain running water. 

And water ran from my eyes all through March. 

She was gone. 

Blooming flowers didn't have the same vivid colors. 

The sun didn't seem as bright and warm. 

The morning dew was cold instead of cool. 

And to this day, I'm still her April Fool. 

Kinsmen

How I relate to other men in my life has been a point of introspection for a couple years. I've always had more female friends than male friends, and for years now, I've tried to pinpoint why.

I think I have.

Many of you who know me know that I didn't grow up around my father consistently until I was almost 20. For much of my life prior to age 10, the only adult male's I was around were a couple of my mother's friends/coworkers. I know she did her best to provide my younger self with positive male figures, and I feel like she did a good job of that. That still didn't necessarily provide an atmosphere for male love in the home or my every day life.

When I was about 10, my stepfather came along. He was a wonderful provider, but severely lacked at building relationships. He and my mother were married for over 15 years, but we never had a healthy parent-child relationship. He never made an attempt to form a father-like relationship with me.

I grew up not asking male parental figures for....well....anything.  And when it came to my stepfather, he was the type to throw something he did for you back in your face later on. There were days I would leave for school without lunch money because my mother told me to ask him, and I wouldn't.

I realized a while ago that I don't know how to build strong bonds with men in my life because I was never taught how. I'm now 30 and I still suffer from that. To date, there is one man I have built a strong enough bond with that we share a deep friendship, and that is my best friend. Other than he and my brother, I'm not really close to any other men like that. I don't share a level of brotherhood with anyone really, aside from my actual brother and best friend.

Is that weird? Uncommon?

#BlackExperience

Today on Twitter, I started a hashtag. I didn't think anything big would become of it nor was I expecting a huge response. Boy was I wrong. 

#BlackExperience was that hashtag. 

Those of you reading this who are people of color know what #BlackExperience is. #BlackExperience is that series of defining moments that remind you that you aren't the same as "them", with "them" being white people.

My white friends, if you're reading this and it makes you uncomfortable, good. You NEED to make yourself uncomfortable to understand what the #BlackExperience is. It's definitely not comfort for people of color. #BlackExperience is living in a state of discomfort for so long that we don't know what "comfort" feels like. In some cases, that #BlackExperience comes so early in our lives that we never know what comfort feels like. 

What exactly is #BlackExperience you ask? #BlackExperience is the story of the first time you were called a n*gger. It's the first time you experienced racism from white people, likely being under the age of 10. #BlackExperience is what you go through daily in your predominately white work place. It's having racial epithets yelled at you by passers-by while you wait on the bus stop. 

Frankly stated, #BlackExperience are those daily occurrences black people have experienced since before we could even speak that remind us that we're black. 

On Twitter today, I asked people to share three things: "When was the first time you were called n*gger? When was the LAST time you were called n*gger? When was the last time you experienced blatant racism?" The answers, both in quality and quantity, blew me away. 

Some people experienced being called a n*gger as young as age five. For some, their first time being called a n*gger was by a teacher or person of authority. And for some others, they told stories of being called n*gger leading to physical violence. 

The story that broke my heart most was of someone who had their skin clawed at by a little white boy because he wanted to "scratch the black off." These stories were the catalyst for me starting the hashtag #BlackExperience. 

I want the hashtag to be a meeting place where we feel comfortable enough to share our feelings and thoughts regarding our racist interactions with non-people of color, as well as a well-spring of knowledge and learning for white allies and potential white allies to assist them in checking their privilege. I don't expect the conversations taking place under the hashtag #BlackExperience to change the world, but if they've changed one mind...opened one set of eyes, I feel good about it. 

My plan is to continue having these conversations about the #BlackExperience on my Twitter timeline, while possibly bringing the conversation to my Facebook timeline as well. I'd like to make this a weekly conversation where I ask prompt questions to get the discussion going. If nothing becomes of this? That's fine. But I'd like to try. 

Sister Assats Shakur said "It is our duty to fight for freedom. It is our duty to win. We must love and support each other. We have nothing to lose but our chains." It is my duty to be steadfast after the freedom of people who look like me. 

Let's start that discussion. 

When was the first time you were called a n*gger? Share your experiences in the comments below.