The Liking Principle

So today on Twitter, the topic came up of flirting, and the interaction between men and women when it comes to compliments.

 After running through several subtopics, I was talking about how one should go about complimenting the opposite sex. It dawned on me that a lot of what I was saying related to something I learned in grad school, which was Cialdini's Six Principles of Persuasion ... more specifically, the "Liking" principle.

In short, Cialdini's "Liking" principle states that we are more easily influenced by people that we like. There are several factors that affect liking, including physical attractiveness, similarity, compliments, contact and cooperation, and conditioning. When talking about flirting, the most important are physical attractiveness and compliments.

The way you put this into practice is finding something to like about the person you'd like to influence. Make sure whatever it is you "like" is tailored to that specific person, ie. meaningful and sincere. If you aren't sincere and meaningful with your "like," or compliment, it will come across as you simply wanting something from that person (even if that's true!).

When you compliment the opposite sex, don't use general compliments like "You're sexy/beautiful." Be specific! Compliment what makes you feel like that person is beautiful/sexy: "You have an amazing smile," or "Your hair looks really good today!" or even, "You have beautiful skin." You don't want to "like" something sexual too soon, so you want to avoid talking about butts, breasts, lips, and hips, unless your relationship dictates that level of comfort.

Fellas, one trick to flirting that works well is sincerely complimenting a woman, then walking away. So many women are used to every man that compliments them trying to "holla" at them. If you simply compliment them, then leave, it peaks their interest! Women are naturally curious, so they'll wonder just why you didn't want to ask for their number. Now I'm not saying every woman you compliment will approach you in return, but I will say your success rate will probably increase. This is a great example of the liking rule, in that you've "liked" something about her first, so she's more likely to be open to liking you.

If you don't act thirsty for a woman, you will probably come across a lot more attractive to said woman. Personally, this is why I say most of my flirting is not sincere. Usually if I'm interested in you, I won't flirt with you. It might even seem like I'm not interested in you in that manner, because I don't flirt as much. Or should I say it's a different kind of flirting.

Y'all be easy!